Mainly because SUNIG happened and I feel ever so lousy about myself, as a volleyball player and player of the team. Never have I ever felt like not playing Volleyball. Not through the times when I was in Cedar, VJ, or SMU. Not the times when I was a banished, bench, or school team player. Not even when JL hated me, and I, him.
For the last week though, I felt utterly like a burden. My flaws and shortcomings ever so glaring. No value added, as I hear it so often from others. Through their words, they were not referring to me but applying it to myself, it rings so loud and clear. It rings so true.
And as a VP, I feel I failed even more. I am ever so frightened of the judgement of others I think, though in day to day life I go about veiling that face under a mask of indifference?? I fear what the team feels of my efforts and work done.
Maybe if they knew my circumstances they would know, but they dont know. And I am not so inclined of letting them in the bag or the cat out of the bag whichever works for you..
SIGHSIGHSIGH. it’s not been a great week GOD :((